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Using synastry to understand the astrological compatibility of your relationships

Have you ever wondered how apps like Co-Star and The Pattern calculate your astrological compatibility with another person? For most of us, seeing all those lines, symbols, and strange words like North Node on a natal chart leaves us wondering what kind of wizardry is required to decipher it. 

I myself am no astrologer, but I’ve long been a curious astroqueer. You’ll often find me busting to ask a cutie for their time of birth the moment I meet them. And I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you probably also think it’s fun to know a little more about relationship astrology and how it works.

So, here’s my basic guide to how I understand synastry, which is what comparing two people’s natal charts is called in astrology. Depending on how invested you are in this particular divinatory practice, you may take what it says to heart. Or like me, you may simply use it as an interesting tool for reflecting on your partner and your relationship together.

Either way, no matter what your reason for discovering more about zodiac compatibility is, remember to keep some perspective on it. Or, as Colin Beddel, author of Queer Cosmos: The Astrology of Queer Identities & Relationships, puts it: no two signs are ever incompatible when it comes to relationships. Sometimes you just need to work on yourself first.

Sun sign compatibility

Let’s start with the classic Sun signs (aka your zodiac sign). This celestial rockstar represents your core self, the shining beacon of your personality. When looking at synastry, astrologers love checking elemental compatibility:

  • Fire signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius): Like a bonfire party, these folks crave adventure and energy. They often vibe with other fire signs or air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) who share their go-getter spirit.
  • Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn): Think grounded and chill. These signs jive well with other earth signs and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) that appreciate stability and emotional depth.
  • Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, Libra): Brainiacs unite! Air signs dig stimulating conversations and often click with other air signs or fire signs that keep their minds buzzing.
  • Water signs (Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio): Feeling is believing for these folks. They find emotional connection with other water signs or earth signs that offer security and understanding.

Now, remember, these are just general trends. Even “incompatible” signs can create awesome relationships if they put in the effort (think opposites attracting). This is just a stepping stone.

Moon sign connections

So, we talked about your Sun sign shining bright as your core self. But there’s another celestial player in the synastry game: your Moon sign. 

This lunar orb rules your emotional depths, the secret garden where your feelings bloom. Where your Sun sign is all “Hey world, check out my awesome light!”, your Moon sign whispers, “Come closer, let me share my vulnerabilities”.

In the realm of relationship astrology, Moon sign connections are like kismet energy between two souls. Imagine two tuning forks vibrating in harmony; that’s the feeling compatible Moon signs create. Think Cancer Moons craving cosy nights in, Libra Moons seeking balance and togetherness, or Capricorn Moons valuing tradition and emotional self-control – they just click on a deep level.

But hold on, astroqueers. Don’t discount the sparks that fly between ‘opposite’ Moon signs. Sometimes, what one Moon lacks, the other fills. Like a sensitive Pisces Moon finding emotional security in the practical care of a Virgo Moon. Opposites can attract, remember?

Ultimately, knowing your Moon signs sheds light on why your relationship feels like a walk in the park or a constant uphill climb. It’s about understanding the subconscious rhythm, the unspoken melody that plays in the background of your connection.

Venus and Mars connections

Remember our Sun and Moon dance? Do some stretches, lovers, because synastry has more cosmic tango steps. This time, we’re meeting Venus and Mars – the power couple governing your romantic and sexual compatibility.

Venus, the goddess of love and beauty, whispers about how you show and receive affection. Imagine Taurus Venus wanting slow, sensual dances while Sagittarius Venus craves wild adventures under the stars. Understanding these Venusian vibes can help you orchestrate a love language symphony with your partner (think Barry White meets Janelle Monaé).

Next, there’s Mars, the passionate warrior. This fiery dude (of any gender) ignites your sexual drive and attraction style. Picture two Aries Mars signs setting the sheets on fire with their raw intensity or Taurus and Libra Mars finding a calmer, steadier groove. Remember, even if your Mars energy clashes, it can add spice to the relationship (again, think opposites attracting, with a dash of compromise).

So, why does this matter? Venus and Mars connections hold the key to unlocking your romantic and sexual compatibility. Knowing your partner’s Venusian desires and Martian drive can help you navigate tricky situations, avoid bedroom brawls, and nurture the best version of your love nest. Think of it as a cosmic roadmap to understanding each other’s needs and desires, ensuring your love story remains a fanfic-level page-turner.

Seventh House overlays

Ready to dive deeper into the synastry rabbit hole? Let’s talk about the 7th house, the astrological VIP zone of committed partnerships. Think of it as your cosmic mirror, reflecting the energies your partners bring out in you. Unlike the 1st house, where you shine solo, the 7th house shows the dance you do with another soul.

So, imagine your boo has their Moon or a sweet, harmonious Libra chilling in your 7th house. This suggests they’ll awaken your nurturing superpowers, making you want to shower them with emotional care (think cuddly movie nights and candlelit dinners). Or maybe their Mars, the planet of passion, takes up residence there. Get ready for some serious fireworks – their fiery energy will ignite your own, turning up the heat in the bedroom.

Understanding these 7th house overlays is like having a cheat sheet for deciphering your relationship dynamics. You’ll see who brings out your inner nurturer, your wild side, or maybe even your fierce protector. Basically, it’s about recognizing who inspires you to be your best partner self (and who might leave you feeling like a deflated balloon, but that’s a story for another day).

Common aspects in synastry

Are you ready to level up your relationship game by wielding the magical tool of synastry? Don’t sweat it, astroqueers. We’re about to dive into the nitty-gritty of your astrological compatibility, decoding those planetary alignments with your partner to unlock deeper understanding.

Think of synastry as the ultimate compatibility cheat sheet. By overlaying your birth chart with your partner’s, you can uncover how your celestial bodies grind together, highlighting areas of harmony, passion, and maybe even a few cosmic clashes. We’ll be zooming in on specific aspects, like planetary connections and house overlays, to reveal the unique energetic dance you create as a couple.

Ready to see if your Moon signs create a lullaby of emotional harmony or if your Mars energies clash like fire and ice? This is where we get personal, unlocking the secrets hidden within your astrological love story.

The conjunction: two planets aligned

Imagine two planets hanging out super close in the same sign, basically having a cosmic coffee date. In astrological compatibility terms, this translates to a powerful fusion of your and your partner’s energies, like you’re both singing from the same celestial hymn book.

Picture this: you and your cutie both rocking a Sun conjunct Moon in your natal chart. Talk about emotional harmony. Your Moon bae offers nurturing vibes that make you, the Sun person, feel safe to express your feelings openly. It’s an intimate connection, whispering, “We’re totally in sync”.

But wait, there’s more. Keep your eyes peeled for other positive conjunctions like Venus-Mars for steamy bedroom chemistry, Jupiter-Saturn for shared ambition goals, or Moon-Ascendant for feeling emotionally secure with your partner. Bonus points if personal planets like your Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, or Mars are joining forces across your charts – that’s astrological compatibility gold.

However, don’t be fooled by the sparkle. Conjunctions can also highlight shared struggles. Think Saturn conjunct Chiron, suggesting you both might have baggage around limitations and self-confidence. But fret not, lovers. These challenges can be overcome with empathy, patience, and working through them together as a team.

Remember, conjunctions are like the cosmic glue, fusing your energies into a cohesive unit. It’s not just about rainbows and unicorns, though. This connection adds depth and complexity to your relationship, making it a unique tapestry woven with both shared joys and challenges.

The trine: planetary flow

Picture two planets forming a harmonious triangle in the sky, separated by a cool 120 degrees. In relationship astrology, this translates to an easy, breezy connection, like you and your partner are effortlessly humming the same cosmic tune. Bonus points if the planets reside in compatible elements like water-water and fire-fire – think instant understanding and shared vibes.

Imagine your Moon trine your partner’s Venus. Cue the emotional intuition, the affectionate cuddles, and the sizzling romantic chemistry. Or a Sun trine Jupiter connection – boom, you’ve got an uplifting blend of individual confidence and shared optimism. Basically, trines are like cosmic shortcuts to feeling good together.

But hold on, astroqueers. Just because things flow naturally doesn’t mean you can cruise control on autopilot. Remember, those positive planetary gifts of balance, loyalty, and maturity (like your Venus-Saturn trine)? They need appreciation and nurturing to blossom. Don’t take them for granted.

The key takeaway? Embrace the natural harmony your trines offer, but actively cultivate those sweet vibes. Turn up the volume on your shared strengths and explore how they inspire you individually. Remember that even the smoothest cosmic dance requires conscious effort.

The sextile: subtle opportunity

Next on the synastry tour, we have the mysterious sextile – a 60-degree celestial nudge between planets that whispers potential but requires some effort to activate. Think of it like a shy crush waiting to bloom into a deeper connection.

For instance, your Mercury sextile Pluto suggests a hidden ability to communicate on profound levels. You just need to push past small talk and dive into those soul-stirring conversations. Similarly, a Venus sextile Saturn hints at the possibility of a stable, committed romance. But remember, lovers, that loyalty needs to be built through actions, not just cosmic promises.

These sextiles are like buried treasure chests – full of potential for growth and compatibility, but they require you to be the mapmaker and adventurer. Pay attention to those subtle sparks of alignment in the early stages of your bond. Nurture them with curiosity, open communication, and a dash of understanding. Think of it like tending a delicate flower – with care and compassion, your sextile connection can blossom into something truly beautiful and fulfilling.

Remember, the cosmos may offer the whispers of possibility, but it’s up to you to turn them into a love song. Dive deeper, explore these subtle connections, and see what hidden gems your sextiles hold

The square: challenging but rewarding

Prepare yourself for a bit of astrological turbulence: the square aspect. Imagine two planets facing off at a tense 90-degree angle – think less romantic waltz and more fiery throw down. In synastry, squares represent areas where you and your boo might clash, where sparks fly, and sometimes, where tempers flare. But before you run for the hills, remember this: tension can be a catalyst for growth.

Picture your Moon meeting with your partner’s Mars in a square aspect. Cue the emotional outbursts and the impulsive actions – not exactly a recipe for harmony. But wait. This clash can also push you to communicate feelings constructively instead of bottling them up, leading to deeper understanding. Similarly, a Venus square Saturn might put the brakes on grand romantic gestures, but it can also motivate you to build a more mature, realistic commitment.

Think of squares as cosmic gym memberships – they challenge you to work your relationship muscles, manage friction, and avoid destructive patterns like resentment or withdrawal. Remember, communication is key. By understanding your differences, finding common ground, and approaching challenges with empathy, you can turn those squares into stepping stones to a stronger, more resilient bond.

Ironically, these very squares, with their built-in tension, can often represent the most lasting connections. They keep you invested in finding solutions, working together, and growing as a couple despite the challenges. So, don’t fear the cosmic clash. Embrace the opportunity for growth, unlock the hidden potential within your squares, and see how they can transform your relationship into a masterpiece of teamwork and understanding. 

The opposition: balance and compromise

Fire up those rockets, astro-adventurers, because we’re facing the 180-degree powerhouse: the opposition. Imagine two planets locked in a celestial tug-of-war, pulling in opposite directions. In your relationship chart, this translates to tension, yes, but also a unique opportunity to balance each other out like cosmic yin and yang.

Think about your Moon opposing your partner’s Mercury. Emotions versus logic might clash like fire and ice, leading to some heated (or, rather, confused) moments. But here’s the magic: together, you can create a balanced perspective that considers both viewpoints. It’s like learning to speak each other’s language, bridging the gap between heart and head.

Similarly, a Venus-Jupiter opposition could lead to some overindulgent escapades (hello, dessert dates), but it can also nudge you both towards finding healthy ways to savour life’s pleasures. Oppositions are the ultimate teachers of compromise. You might not always see eye-to-eye initially, but the effort to understand each other leads to epic personal growth. Remember, sweet ones, patience and empathy are your weapons in this battle.

Imagine your opposing traits like puzzle pieces. With a little effort, you can figure out how they fit together, how your differences complement each other, and how they create a complete, unique picture of your relationship. So, don’t shy away from the tension – embrace it as an opportunity to discover new sides of yourselves and each other. Work together to find the sweet spot, the harmonious middle ground where your opposing energies create a truly beautiful, balanced love story.

Putting the pieces together

Cracking the synastry code isn’t just about analyzing individual aspects; it’s about seeing how they weave together like a cosmic tapestry. Imagine planets whispering secrets, angles sparking connections, and patterns revealing hidden themes – it’s a whole new astrological adventure.

So, where do we start? Grab your cosmic magnifying glass as we explore some key questions:

  • The Vibe Check: Which aspects (conjunctions, squares, trines, etc.) dominate your synastry chart? Think of them as the soundtrack of your relationship – harmonious or full of dramatic tension? These dominant players set the overall tone, so pay attention to their melody.
  • Love Planet Potential: Are there major aspects involving the Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars? Remember, these personal planets hold the keys to astrological compatibility. Strong connections here suggest an easy flow of affection, understanding, and maybe even some serious fireworks.
  • Desire Decoder: Keep your eyes peeled for connections between romantic planets like Venus and Mars or harmonious aspects between Moon and Venus. If these lovebirds are dancing together, the flow of desire and emotional intimacy is likely strong.
  • Pattern Play: Mystic rectangles, kites, grand trines – these aren’t just fancy celestial shapes; they’re energetic themes playing out in your relationship. Do you see repeating patterns? They offer clues about the deeper currents flowing beneath the surface.
  • Saturn’s Serious Side: Don’t forget Saturn, the planet of commitment and maturity. Aspects involving Saturn can hint at the long-term potential of your bond. Think of it as a cosmic thumbs-up for stability and growth.
  • Transformation Trio: Keep your eyes out for the outer planets – Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto. These bad boys bring intensity, transformation, and, sometimes, a touch of the unexpected. Buckle up for a wild ride if they’re involved.

Remember, the beauty of astrological compatibility lies in its uniqueness. Every chart is a fingerprint, and how two charts interact creates a one-of-a-kind relationship dance. Embrace both the harmonious aspects and the frictional ones – they’re all teachers on your journey together.

Exploring synastry in queer relationships

Astrological compatibility - Janelle Monaé CREDIT @bi_astrology
CREDIT: @bi_astrology

Alright, cosmic cuties, ready to unlock the magic of synastry for your unique, beautiful queer love? Take heart because when it comes to defying societal norms and celebrating authentic connections, synastry becomes a lighthouse, illuminating the depths of your relationship like never before.

Think of it this way: societal shackles often distort the way we perceive love and connection, especially when navigating the vibrant spectrum of queer identities. But synastry? It throws those shackles out the window, allowing you to see the raw, energetic core of your connection, unfiltered and true.

For instance, forget gender stereotypes. Venus signs explode with expanded meaning in same-sex partnerships. Imagine your feminine Libra Venus gazing into the eyes of a macho Aries Venus. Sparks fly, right? Your synastry chart whispers about the potential for a beautiful dance of masculine and feminine energies, each balancing the other in unique ways.

And it’s not just about aesthetics, my darlings. Mars, the planet of passion and drive, reveals how you ignite each other’s fire. Sharing a Sagittarius Mars with its thirst for adventure? Prepare for some wild escapades. Or maybe your cerebral Aquarius Mars finds grounding in their sensual Taurus Mars – opposites attracting in the bedroom?

Remember, darlings, gender expression is a kaleidoscope, not a binary. It shimmers across all planets and signs, not just Venus and Mars. Perhaps your emotional Cancer Moon finds solace in the protective embrace of their Capricorn Sun. Or maybe their chatty Gemini Moon pulls out your hidden social butterfly. Every connection is unique, every synastry chart a love letter written in the stars.

And in a world that often tries to erase the validity of queer love, synastry becomes a powerful tool of affirmation. It’s cosmic proof that your journey together is written in the heavens, a testament to the soul’s deep recognition of another. 

Use it to cultivate empathy, celebrate the joy of your connection, and weather life’s storms together. After all, isn’t that what true love is all about? Embracing each other, flaws and complexities and all, to create a whole, magnificent being called ‘us’. So go forth and explore Synastry and let your love story shine as brightly as the stars themselves.

One final note

Lastly, astroqueers, don’t forget the most important tool in your relationship toolbox: free will. While the stars whisper possibilities, you choose how to manifest them. So, honour your bond, communicate openly, and remember the most magical love stories are written not just in the stars but in the choices you make each day. Good luck!

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A lifestyle blog for everyone who questions the norm. From polyamorous relationships and personal growth to being genderqueer, Minka Guides helps you live a fabulous life with intentionality.

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