If there is one thing I know a lot about, it’s dating apps. Over the past three-ish years, I have spent an extraordinary amount of time on them. Not simply looking for lovers and partners but also because I find them to be fascinating. So, if you’re trying to find the best polyamorous dating apps, I can point you in the right direction.
I would argue that almost every dating app is essentially a polyamorous dating app now. I don’t think dating apps are designed for monogamy because they present you with an abundance of options that encourage you to keep looking. They’re possibly one of the reasons for the massive surge in polyamory over the past decade. These days, on pretty much every dating app, you’ll see people openly looking for non-monogamous relationships.
That’s why not all the apps listed below are specifically polyamorous dating apps. In fact, there are very few well-designed, popular apps that are specifically for non-monogamous folks. Plus, I have met polyamorous people through a wide variety of dating apps because, unfortunately, not everyone you’re looking for will be on one specific app (it would be helpful if they were, right?). That’s why I have the following apps on my phone – all eight of them – which I regularly use to meet like-minded people. So, here are my recommendations to get you started if you’re after one.
Feeld
When it comes to polyamorous dating apps, Feeld is where it’s at right now. Not just in London but globally. It has been the most reliable app for finding non-monogamous people wherever I’ve travelled (and I’ve connected with most of my lovers through it).
The beauty of Feeld is its simplicity. Having started as the hookup app 3nder for people trying to find a threesome, it has evolved to be hugely popular with anyone who is kinky, queer and non-monogamous (or any combination of these three). But considering the scope of fetishes, relationship styles and gender identities within these communities, Feeld still manages to make everything seem pretty uncomplicated.
One of the most polyamory-friendly aspects of this dating app is the ability to link your profile with a partner. Yes, only one partner, so it’s still very couple orientated and a potential point of contention when you have two or more partners. However, it is quite a handy feature when you want to date as a couple and separately. Plus, I like being able to check out someone’s other partner before I swipe right on them. You can also create group chats between people you match with and other partners. So, Feeld is openly orientated towards connections of more than two people.
No matter where you are, I would give Feeld a try first. Once you’ve swiped your way through this app, you can try some of the other options.
Pros
- Pretty much every non-monogamous person has been on here at some point.
- Simple but attractive design.
- Everyone on here is kinky, non-monogamous and/or queer.
- You can link your profile with a partner’s.
Cons
- Known for being a little glitchy (but it’s getting better).
- Strangely, it lists you as single if you don’t link your profile to a partner.
#open
I first heard about #open when its co-founders were interviewed on the Multiamory podcast, and I was instantly curious about its ethos and design. Not only does this dating app require all users to sign a code of conduct (that focuses on consent, respect and inclusivity), but it’s also big on data privacy. This factor is huge as most dating apps make money by selling your data, which is pretty concerning (especially to anyone with a non-normative lifestyle).
The interesting aspect of #open’s design is its use of hashtags. Every interest, kink or preference on your profile can be listed as a searchable hashtag, making it easier to find people with similar interests to you. I also enjoy two other features of #open’s design: it loops a person’s profile photos, and you can review everyone you previously passed on. The first one is clever because you can easily swipe through someone’s photos without having to go in reverse to see them again. The second one means you never have to worry about swiping the wrong way. You can always review your left swipes, whether it’s three seconds or three years later.
#open lets you scroll through new people either in the classic one-at-a-time way or as a grid, which works for me as I sometimes like to savour the process and sometimes want to speed through it. There is also the option to have two profiles – one solo and one partnered. Again, it appears only to let you connect with one partner, which won’t work for some polyamorous folks. However, everything else about this app was designed with the user in mind.
As far as completely polyamorous dating apps go, #open is by far the best.
Pros
- Exclusively for non-monogamous and polyam people.
- You can review everyone you previously passed on.
- Create a profile with your partner.
- Search via hashtags for interests and preferences.
Cons
- Currently less well known = currently fewer people (but it’s growing fast).
- Can’t reorder profile photos (so new ones are listed last)
- Sometimes has glitches, such as Instagram links taking you to the wrong profile.
Bloom Community
Bloom was another app that I discovered via a polyamory podcast. Its founder Luna Ray was interviewed on the Normalising Non-Monogamy podcast late last year, and I thought the concept behind Bloom Community was quite clever. Essentially, it mixes a dating app with an events app like Eventbrite or Meetup but is focused exclusively on the sex-positive community.
One of the big selling points of this format is that it allows you to connect with people online before attending an event. This feature is something I’ve had people request when I co-founded ENM Fam London, and it would have been great to be able to direct people to an app like this. I also like that it allows you to connect with people simply as friends without necessarily meaning you’re specifically interested in dating – although that’s an option.
While I have the Bloom Community app on my phone, I have yet to experience what it’s like as it has only launched its events feature in some larger U.S. cities. So, while you can use the app anywhere, they currently only list events for places like San Francisco and New York. However, they have many online events listed if that’s your kind of thing.
I’m looking forward to trying this app once they launch events somewhere I’m visiting soon.
Pros
- A dating and an events app in one
- Focused on the sex-positive community.
- Connections aren’t necessarily about dating but about meeting others in the community.
- Connect with people before you attend an event.
Cons
- Available everywhere in theory, but events are only listed in specific U.S. locations so far.
- Currently less well known = currently fewer people.
Lex
Calling all queers who aren’t cis men: this one is for you. I love Lex (pictured above) for a whole bunch of reasons. It’s specifically for a community I’m always eager to connect with, and its format is more like the personal ads you used to find listed in the back of the newspaper. That’s right: Lex is a text-based app that I find refreshingly different and cute. So, if you’re looking for dates, community, advice or resources, you’ll usually connect with someone specific.
In London, many people advertise their non-monogamy on Lex, whether it be looking for partners or advice or advertising events. The app also has a Missed Connections feature, which allows you to write about someone you saw in public but didn’t speak to (these ads can get hilariously thirsty sometimes). Aside from polyamory, I’ve also made party friends on Lex, twice leant out my bicycle while I was travelling, advertised rooms in a queer share house and enjoyed posting saucy song lyrics from my fave tunes. I highly recommend this app if building queer community is your thing.
Pros
- More like a community noticeboard for queers
- Lots of non-monogamous folks on there
- Great vibe.
Cons
- Not strictly a dating app
- People can have a profile without a picture
OkCupid
I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with OkCupid. On the one hand, it was the first dating app to include polyamorous people, which was pretty pioneering. In 2014, OkCupid added the option for indicating that you’re in an open relationship, and in 2016, they were the first to add linked partner profiles. So, they have been there for our community long before all the other dating apps were.
On the other hand, the app’s design does feel a little dated. It’s not simple and sexy as Feeld or Hinge. There are lots of confusing options, which means I never really know what to do first when I open the app. It also tends to show you people you have previously swiped left on when there’s no one new, so I often get frustrated about swiping through the same people over and over (and over).
So, why do I still have it on my phone? It’s still one of the more reliable polyamorous dating apps, especially when I’m travelling through countries where the above apps aren’t so popular yet. So, OkCupid is usually worth checking out, especially when you’re new to polyamory, as long as you don’t use it with high expectations.
Pros
- One of the first polyamory-friendly dating apps.
- It has been around for ages and usually has quite a few people.
- Well known around the world.
Cons
- Constantly swiping left on people you already passed on.
- Many folks have profiles, but they no longer check the app.
- Not a great design.
Hinge
Hinge markets itself as a dating app that’s “designed to be deleted”, which makes it sound especially monogamous, but it’s pretty much the same as all the others. Its name makes me laugh, as a hinge partner is a polyamorous term for a partner who connects two metamours, so it feels like it should be an app for us either way.
Hinge is owned by the same online dating conglomerate that owns Tinder and OkCupid, so it doesn’t do anything that different. However, I do like the clean design, the way you can scroll down through the profile and the fact that you can’t swipe left (you have to hit an X to move on to the next person). All of this does encourage you to explore a person’s profile before you keep swiping.
Recently, Hinge added a ‘dating intentions’ section where you can indicate what you’re looking for, such as a short or long-term relationship. There’s also a box where you can expand on this, which makes it the perfect place to detail that you are polyamorous. This feature is probably in response to the number of non-monogamous people I have seen being open about their relationship status on Hinge. Despite not being a polyamorous dating app, its design seems to appeal to many of us, so it’s worth checking out.
Pros
- Clear section where you can indicate what type of relationship you want.
- Appealing design. Lovely to scroll through.
Cons
- Not a specifically polyamorous dating app.
Bumble
When I first downloaded Bumble a few years ago, it wasn’t my thing. At the time, Bumble appeared to be dominated by cis-straight men looking for monogamy, which is great if that’s what you’re looking for (but I wasn’t). After a few months of uninspiring swiping, I deleted it and figured I’d never return.
Then a year ago, I made friends with a fellow queer while travelling who suggested I give it another try. Thankfully, I did, as I connected and fell in love with someone great on my travels. Since then, I’ve noticed more diversity on the app and enjoyed using the Bumble BFF to find new friends while travelling.
Bumble was founded on the idea of having an app where women are the ones to make the first move. This concept means it has attracted people who like this feminist approach to dating. However, since changing my gender identity on dating apps, I’ve been left wondering who initiates the chat if neither myself nor the person I have matched with identify as women. Either way, this app has a good vibe about it.
Pros
- Feminist ethos.
- Everyone I’ve connected with on there has been lovely.
Cons
- Not a specifically polyamorous dating app.
- The concept is very heteronormative, even if it has evolved beyond that.
Tinder
Ah, Tinder. My classic fallback option. To be clear, there is a lot not to like about this app, especially its approach to gender. When I recently switched my identity to genderqueer on there, it asked if it should show my profile to people who like men or people who like women. I was like, “uh, neither?” It’s so silly that they don’t have a non-binary option, at the very least, because they would probably make themselves a lot more popular.
That said, Tinder is already very popular. It dominates the dating app market globally (boasting a whopping 55 billion matches in the past decade), so I turn to this one when I’ve rinsed all the above options. You would be surprised how many non-monogamous folks are still using Tinder, perhaps because they don’t know there are other (better) options. Unfortunately, you have to be willing to do a lot of work to find them, as in a lot of swiping. Or at least, that’s how it feels to me, as I don’t like most of the people on Tinder. But it’s always worth a shot if you’re in an area where other polyamorous dating apps haven’t worked.
Pros
- One of the most popular dating apps worldwide.
- Lots of people.
Cons
- Not a specifically polyamorous dating app.
- Questionable approach to gender.
- Perhaps too many people?
Other polyamorous dating apps
Of course, there are other options, some specifically for polyamorous people and some more for hookups and kink connections. Below I’ve listed apps that I’ve not tried because they don’t seem right for me or that I’ve used and then decided not to bother with.
- Alt Playground (the USA only)
- Beyond Two
- Down
- FetLife (kink dating)
- Grindr (queer hookups – primarily gay men): I tried it once, but the design isn’t very appealing. Plus, I was only ever messaged by people with no profile photos. Other friends who aren’t cis gay men have had luck on there, so worth a try if you’re queer and curious.
- Her (queer dating – primarily lesbians): I’ve used this app in the past and quite liked it. But I’ve connected with more interesting queer women on Hinge and Feeld, so it doesn’t dominate that demographic.
- More Than One
- PolyFinda: probably the worst dating app I’ve tried, so go literally anywhere else.
- Pure (hookup app): appealing visuals but a strange design. I also found it lacking in interesting people when I tried it, so I deleted it after a few weeks.
- Scruff (queer dating – primarily gay men)
- Taimi (queer dating – popular with trans+ people)
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