2024 marks five years since I embraced the world of polyamory and dating apps (all within a few months). Since then, I’ve become a connoisseur of this means of connection, having probably spent a thousand hours swiping on a full range of apps and been on countless dates. You could call me a poly dating app expert of sorts – I have pretty much tried them all and in a variety of countries, too.
Speaking of travelling, your location considerably influences your experience because the best poly dating app will genuinely depend on where you are. Only one or two options truly have a global reach. Most, I have found during time spent exploring the polyamorous communities in places like Barcelona, London, Mexico City, Melbourne and Sydney, are very specific in both their availability and popularity in certain areas. So, trying a few of the apps I have listed below is best to see which has the most appeal for polyamorous singles and couples in your city.
You’ll also notice that many of the dating apps listed below aren’t specifically non-monogamous. Some are pretty mainstream options whose inclusion may surprise you. This is because most of the well-known apps, including Tinder and Hinge, have moved towards being more inclusive of all relationship styles in the past year or two. This makes sense as a business because polyamorous people are likely to continue using dating apps throughout their lives. It calls into question: are dating apps even designed for monogamy?
When it comes to app changes, many have had a few tweaks in the past year to make them more inclusive (such as broader gender filtering options, thankfully) or interesting. Two apps had notable rebrands during 2023 – Lex and Feeld – and neither went remarkably smoothly. Although, both appear to come through most of their teething issues now. It does make me curious to see how the poly dating app landscape will change during 2024. Will there be a new contender? Will a new update make a particular app stand out from the others? Will the tech change to move us beyond swiping and into meeting more IRL? I suppose we’ll have to wait and see.
Feeld dating app
No matter where I’ve travelled, the main app I have consistently used is Feeld. When it comes to polyamorous dating, it’s the one that you’ll hear most people recommend and for good reason. It’s specifically for connecting people who have alternative relationship models and sexual preferences. That means you’ll find lots of people who are non-monogamous, kinky and queer on Feeld, which happens to be precisely the type of folks I’m looking for. Despite the potential complications of all of these different identities and approaches, this app excels in keeping things pretty simple in terms of design and filtering options.
One of my favourite things about Feeld’s design is that you can scroll through people without making a final yes/no decision. This feature helps people like me who sometimes want to jump on and see who is new without the pressure of making a final decision at that moment. You can mull someone over while looking at others, which other apps don’t allow. You can also connect your profile to a partner, too. Since launching their rebrand late last year, I think you can now link your profile to multiple partners if you like, although I’m yet to see anyone who has this.
Aside from being renowned as one of the best polyamorous dating apps, Feeld also has a reputation for being one of the glitchiest. Sadly, the rebrand hasn’t changed this. However, the company is clearly working hard to fix all its bugs and improve the user experience. So, fingers crossed for 2024.
(Full disclosure: I have previously partnered with Feeld for content on this site because I really like this app).
Pros
- Pretty much every non-monogamous person has been on here at some point
- Simple but attractive design
- Everyone on here is kinky, non-monogamous and/or queer
- You can link your profile with a partner’s
Cons
- Known for being quite glitchy (but hopefully, it will improve soon)
- Profile says that you’re single if you aren’t linking with a partner (which feels weird if you’re not actually single)
Hinge dating app
One of the most surprising changes in the world of nonmonogamy dating apps in the past year or two is the rise of Hinge. Not that it hasn’t been hugely popular for much longer than that, but it was one of the first mainstream dating apps to give visibility to the type of relationship you’re looking for. Options include monogamy, non-monogamy, figuring out your relationship type and prefer not to say. There’s even a box where you can add more information to clarify what you’re after.
The result? Lots of polyamorous singles and those already in relationships are on here because it’s a pretty decent app. Clean design, simple to navigate, and not too glitchy. Strangely, if you pay for a subscription, you can’t currently filter your options to only non-monogamous folks. So, you need to be up for swiping through everyone in your area, no matter what kind of relationship they’re after. It’s also important to note that Hinge isn’t available everywhere. For example, I’m currently in Mexico City, and the locals can’t access that app locally, so it only has people from the US, UK/Europe, etc, on there who are travelling through. So, Hinge won’t always be the best app for finding other polyamorous folks on your travels.
Pros
- Nice design
- Not too glitchy
- Diverse gender and sexuality options
- Option to indicate that you are non-monogamous
Cons
- Can’t search for other non-monogamous folks
- Not specifically a poly dating app
- Not available in all countries
Grindr dating app
One of my recent delights in the world of dating/hookup apps is realising that a vast swathe of the people I like to date (i.e. bisexual men) are Grindr – and they’re interested in me, too. In the past couple of years, this app has stopped marketing itself as specifically for gay men and broadened its scope to include bi, trans, and queer people. However, there’s always been the sense that if you don’t have a factory-installed penis, then you probably wouldn’t be welcome here.
That’s beginning to change, though. Grindr has increasingly more gender diversity than when I first tried a few years ago. It also isn’t as intimidating as I first thought it would be. People may be on there looking for a connection just for that day but also are open to chatting and going on dates like all the other apps. I love that it gives a clear section to report the details of your most recent STI test (other non-monogamous dating apps, you should take note!). The downside is that people can send you messages without connecting, which means you do have to swerve the odd dick pic. Still, my top tip is not to open anything from a profile without a photo.
Pros
- Enormously popular. Always plenty of people online
- Search for tags like poly, bi and t4t
- Indicate on your profile that you’re partnered
- Space to report your most recent HIV test
Cons
- The free version is limited in terms of who you can view (although that seems to vary on which country you’re in)
- Open inbox, which means you may be sent images that you don’t want to see
- Not specifically a poly dating app
Her dating app
Positioning itself as the dating app for FLINTA folks, Her is essentially for queer women and gender-diverse people. One of the best things this app has changed in the past year or two is that you can now update your location without having to pay a subscription, which is excellent for anyone who travels as much as I do. It also has a ‘looking for’ section, where you can indicate if you’re looking for friends, something casual or a relationship, which can be specified as monogamous or polyamorous. You can also indicate your relationship status in a separate section so you can say if you’re partnered. Both these elements are searchable, too, if you have a paid account.
Personally, I find Her quite uninspiring, and I can never quite put my finger on why. Maybe it’s because I can easily find queer women on other dating apps, so I often struggle to grasp what it offers that sets it apart. Perhaps if it had more of a hookup vibe like Grindr, it would be fun. Or more gender-diverse people on there, but maybe the app name puts some of these folks off. Either way, it’s great that there is a market for this app, and it has confirmed clearly for me that polyamorous lesbians definitely do exist.
Pros
- Diverse gender and sexuality options
- Option to indicate that you are non-monogamous and partnered
Cons
- Need a paid account to search for non-monogamous folks
- Not specifically a poly dating app
Lex community app
Lex is a funny one because it’s not specifically a dating app, but also it is. Having started out as a modern take on the personal ads written in On Our Backs, a women-run erotica magazine from the 80s and 90s, Lex is now a text-based community app for anyone who is queer. That means alongside someone advertising their desire for someone to top them, you’ll also have people advertising lesbian parties and trans+ houseshares. Personally, I love this app, and by adding posts about polyamory events and queer parties, I have connected with lots of like-minded folks over the past couple of years.
Like Her above, Lex was originally an app for FLINTA+ folks. However, during their rebrand last year, they broadened the scope to include queer cis men. This change angered some people, who felt that the app was a rare space for queerness that wasn’t dominated by guys. However, others thought that it made the space feel more welcoming for trans+ guys. One of the nice things about the rebrand has been the way they have evolved members’ profiles to include photos and more info about what they are looking for, making it more like a dating app without having the pressure to be swiping all the time.
Pros
- More like a community noticeboard for queers
- Lots of non-monogamous folks on there
- Great vibe
Cons
- Not strictly a dating app
- Depending on where you are in the world, it can be very active or completely quiet
#open dating app
As the name suggests, this is an open-relationship dating app, making it the most well-known one specifically for polyamorous folks. #open also stands out for the option to have two profiles – one solo and one partnered, which is excellent for people looking to date in different ways. However, it appears only to let you connect with one partner, which won’t always work for those with multiple partners, I imagine. Another interesting aspect of # open’s design is its use of hashtags. Every interest, kink or preference on your profile can be listed as a searchable hashtag, making it easier to find people with similar interests.
I also enjoy two other features of # open’s design: it loops a person’s profile photos, and you can review everyone you previously passed on. The first one is clever because you can quickly swipe through someone’s photos without going in reverse to see them again. The second one means you never have to worry about swiping incorrectly. You can always review your left swipes, whether it’s three seconds or three years later. The only real downside to #open is that it doesn’t have loads of people on there like many of the above apps. However, I strongly recommend checking it out in your area, especially in North America, as you may find it more popular there.
(Full disclosure: I previously partnered with #open for content on my Instagram because I like that it’s a non-monogamous dating app).
Pros
- Exclusively for non-monogamous people
- You can review everyone you previously passed on
- Create a profile with your partner
- Search via hashtags for interests and preferences
Cons
- Less well-known = fewer people
- Can’t reorder profile photos (so new ones are listed last)
OkCupid dating app
I have a love-hate relationship with OkCupid. On the one hand, it was the first dating app to include polyamorous people, which was pretty pioneering. In 2014, OkCupid added the option for indicating that you’re in an open relationship. Then, in 2016, they were the first to add linked partner profiles. So, when it comes to polyamory dating sites, they have been there for our community long before anyone else.
On the other hand, the app’s design does feel a little dated. It’s not as simple and sexy as Feeld or Hinge. It also tends to show you people that you’ve previously swiped left on when there’s no one new, so I often get frustrated about swiping through the same people over and over (and over). The only reason I still use OkCupid from time to time is because it is still a popular poly dating app in some countries where the above apps haven’t taken off yet. So, if you’re struggling to find people in your area, it’s worth checking out as long as you don’t use it with high expectations.
Pros
- One of the first polyamory-friendly dating apps
- Well-known around the world
Cons
- A very dated design
- Constantly swiping left on people you already passed on
- Many folks have profiles, but they no longer check the app
Pure dating app
Pure is one of the more interesting non-monogamous dating apps because it appears to be trying to do something different. The way the app is laid out looks visually different to many of the others listed here, and it positions itself in such a sex-positive way that most people on there appear to be looking for physical connections. I say this after having tried it three times in so many years in various countries.
Pure also has interesting graphics and great social media content. But the app itself? I’ve never really understood the design or connected with anyone on there. Perhaps because I’ve never encountered enough people there to find anyone of interest. I support them in creating a hookup app that is open to everyone (like a stylish Grindr for folks of all persuasions), but I haven’t found my groove with it yet. Important to note that as of February 2024, this app is no longer free to use.
(Full disclosure: Pure gave me a one-month subscription so that I could write about it here).
Pros
- Very sex-positive
- Trying to do something different
- Engaging visuals in their design
Cons
- Less well-known = fewer people
- Free to download but requires you to pay a subscription to post an ad (basically, your profile)
- Different design that doesn’t always make sense. It can be confusing to use
Bloom Community app
The concept behind Bloom Community is quite clever. Essentially, it mixes a dating app with an events app like Eventbrite or Meetup but is focused exclusively on the sex-positive community. One of the big selling points of this format is that it allows you to connect with people online before attending an event. This feature is something I’ve had people request when I co-founded ENM Fam London, and it would have been great to be able to direct people to an app like this. I also like that it allows you to connect with people simply as friends without necessarily meaning you’re specifically interested in dating – although that’s an option.
While I used the Bloom Community app, I have yet to experience what it’s like as it has only launched its events feature in some larger US cities. So, while you can use the app anywhere, they currently only list events for places like San Francisco and New York. However, they have many online events listed if that’s your kind of thing. Definitely worth checking out if you’re looking to grow your polyamorous community in this part of the world.
Pros
- A dating and an events app in one
- Focused on the sex-positive community
- Connect with people before you attend an event
Cons
- Available everywhere in theory, but few events are listed outside the US currently
- Less well-known = fewer people.
Tinder dating app
Ah, Tinder. My classic fallback option. To be clear, there is a lot not to like about this app, especially its approach to gender. When I switched my identity to genderqueer on there in 2022, it asked if it should show my profile to people who like men or people who like women. I was like, “uh, neither?” It’s so silly that they don’t have a non-binary option, at the very least, because they would probably make themselves a lot more popular.
That said, Tinder has recently introduced a section where people can detail their relationship type. So now, you can see clearly if people are looking for monogamy, an open relationship or polyamory. However, because there are so many people on this dating app, you will still need to do a large amount of swiping to find non-monogamous folks unless you’re willing to pay for a premium subscription. If they could fix their gender filtering, who knows, Tinder could become really popular with polyam folks. I’m hesitant to say it, but maybe watch this space?
Pros
- One of the most popular dating apps worldwide
- Lots of people
- Able to indicate that you’re non-monogamous
Cons
- Not a specifically polyamorous dating app
- Questionable approach to gender
- Need to pay for a subscription to filter for only polyam people
Bumble dating app
When I first downloaded Bumble five years ago, it wasn’t my thing. At the time, it appeared to be dominated by cis-straight men looking for monogamy, which is great if that’s what you’re looking for (but I wasn’t). After a few months of uninspiring swiping, I deleted it and figured I’d never return. Then, I went to Mexico, where the fewer dating app options (they don’t have Hinge, for example) means that this app has a broader range of locals, including many who are openly non-monogamous.
So, it’s another one of those dating apps that may vary depending on where you are in the world. It’s also so similar to all of the above apps that if you aren’t using it as a woman, I wonder what the perks would be for you. However, I must add that I’ve enjoyed using the Bumble BFF to find new friends while travelling.
Pros
- Feminist ethos
- Everyone I’ve connected with on there has been lovely
Cons
- Not a specifically polyamorous dating app
- The original concept is very heteronormative, even if it has evolved beyond that
Monogamish dating app
This newer dating app for non-monogamous folks appeared on my radar in mid-2023. I can’t profess to much experience with Monogamish because, despite having tried it in London, Barcelona and Mexico City, it never shows anyone local to me. However, when I broadened my search to include the US, I saw more people in that region. So, once again, it’s worth checking out if you are in that part of the world.
Other dating apps you can try
Of course, there are other options, some specifically for polyamorous people and some more for hookups and kink connections. Below, I’ve listed apps I’ve not tried because they don’t seem right for me or that I’ve used and then decided not to bother with.
- Alt Playground (US only)
- Beyond Two
- Down
- FetLife (kink dating)
- Flure (very new, so still under development. No option for queer as a sexuality and you can only search filter by men or women. It appears to be the US-only currently)
- Iconist (doesn’t have genderqueer on its long list of identity options, which is odd. Also, when you go to complete their sexual preferences section, it scolds you for not finishing other sections of your profile first and tries to force you to do this, which feels a little sex shamey)
- Joyce (found it challenging to use as a non-binary person as the search settings were men, women and couples)
- More Than One
- Polyamoris (I couldn’t even create a profile as there was no non-binary option)
- PolyFinda (I tried it in Australia and had a really unpleasant experience)
- Scruff (queer dating – primarily gay men)
- Taimi (queer dating – popular with trans+ people)
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